TEENS AND CONSENT

It’s ridiculous when we see teenagers as people who are not informed or should not be informed about some stuff. And I’m always like, when then is the right time to rightly inform them? Is it when they come home with wrong information or when they realise that perhaps, all or most if not some of all you’ve been teaching them is wrong? How then do you want them to trust you again? You know, most times, parents, siblings, guardians or whoever is in charge of the teenagers can be very hilarious. Teens are supposed to be rightly taught on any subject so that they can stay informed to make informed decisions which also prevents them from giving in to peer pressure.

Teaching teens about sex and sexual matters shouldn’t be seen as hideous or something meant for the girls alone because that’s the beginning of the problem we’re considering here today. Girls or still, teen girls are seen as the object of temptation or the devil who in a twinkle of an eye undresses the boys in order to have sex or rape them which is very wrong. Hence, they teach them so much on Decency101, Ways to Prevent Rape111 and related course codes which haven’t stopped rapists from raping. What they fail to understand is most victims are raped by people they know which is not as a result of staying out late, what they wear and the likes. Perhaps, we don’t teach both sexes. We don’t make them understand WHY they shouldn’t be involved. We focus so much on ‘the how’ on a particular sex that we forgot that it takes two people to be involved in sexual matters. Yes, maybe, we don’t teach them what CONSENT is.

Teens between the ages of 13 and 17 can’t give consent. However, that shouldn’t stop the parents or guardian from teaching them consent. In fact, how would they know that they can’t even give consent if they are not taught? Most importantly, we don’t give a particular sex attention when it comes to sexual matters. Both sexes should be taught sex, sexual matters and consent. Segregation makes one person informed while the other stays uninformed and you know the outcome of that. Hence, there is a need to teach both sexes consent. There is a need to come out clean with them on sexual matters because if we don’t, the media, school or environment would come out dirty if not clean with them. And you know how tough or difficult it is to remove dirt? In fact, some tough or stubborn stains don’t leave! So, why don’t you rightly inform them?

Consent is given before any sexual activity is done. Therefore, in the absence of consent, the act, either forcefully, drug-facilitated or drunkenly, is called sexual assault. Sexual assault doesn’t just encompass force and violence. It includes lack of consent which we must teach young ones in order to create a sexual-violence-free world. Consent is not assumption. It’s not putting on sexy clothes, drinking, using drugs, partying, dancing and the likes. It’s not taking advantage of a teen because they can’t give consent and below 18. It’s not being in a relationship as a teen and find it dutiful to have sex. No! It’s not being in a relationship. It’s not feeling pressured…

Saying yes or no is not all that there is to consent. When you say yes or no to sex or a sexual activity, you say it out of the understanding that you want or don’t want to have such. You agree to it because it’s your clear and a mutually agreed choice.

Consent doesn’t mean being in a relationship with someone. No teen owes you sex except both of you agreed to having sex with each other. And that agreement must be because both of you want it not because one wants to please the other. As a teen, you owe nobody sex or sexual activity even in a relationship. Hence, you know what you want and state it clearly. Plus, the obvious fact that they have had sex with you before doesn’t mean they want it again. Hence, you ask as a boy or girl. You don’t just touch a girl’s bum or boobs without her consent. It’s wrong!

If you want it, say it! Ask. Don’t assume your partner would read your body language or would know how you would feel. Nobody knows what you want until you say it even if you think your body is saying it loudly. Therefore, be audible with your request. And if your partner says no, don’t make them do it! Your no should be polite. It is your duty as a human being to respect everyone. Respect their decisions. Hence, respect her no and move on. You don’t force it!

Consent is not giving a child or teen girl gifts while you make her have sex with you. It’s wrong. Hence, when teens are taught that, they become conscious of whatever the uncle or brother is doing when they offer them gifts and touch their bodies. Teaching consent makes them aware of whatever the would-be perpetrator would use even when they are ogling at them. It makes them bold enough to say no. It gives them an insight to what they want and prompts them to make sound decisions when it comes to sex despite the pressure. It makes them assertive! It also teaches the boys self-control. I mean we don’t just teach these boys self-control and it’s sad.

Consent should be taught at home and in schools. It should be taught on the street and everywhere. It should be a part of you as a teenager and a youth. You should have sex because you want to not because you want to please someone who you’re not even married to. So, if they can’t respect your NO, what would then happen if both of you are married? Domestic and psychological violence would step in just because one day you say NO!

Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. When you’re engaging in sexual activity, consent is about communication. And it should happen every time. Thanks for following.